


Expectations

by Zima Zimavich (MsArachnid)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Gen, M/M, Trans Male Character, coming out story, historical setting, lithuania pulls a knife on russia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:37:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsArachnid/pseuds/Zima%20Zimavich
Summary: Tolys is all set to marry Mr. Kirkland, but there's just one problem. Mr. Kirkland is expecting to marry agirl. When Ivan comes to bring Tolys to Mr. Kirkland's house, he has find a way to escape.





	Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> I finally decided to post this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not trans, but I hope I handled it okay. I know everybody's story is different, and it's not my intention make anyone uncomfortable with what I've written. If I could have done something better please let me know! 
> 
> I've wanted to write this for a long while and finally had a reason to with the 2019 Pride Zine for charity. I guess I just can't write anything without having a deadline.

Tolys waited at the window. The snow piled up outside, and he worried.

He couldn’t be good enough, he never would be, not for the banker he was set to marry in the morning. The banker had asked for a wife, but Tolys was not a woman. He hadn’t told anyone, _couldn’t_ tell anyone, and now it was too late and he’d be trapped forever in an unhappy marriage, pretending he was something he wasn’t.

He didn’t _know_ the banker, had never met him, and was sure he was a fine person! He’d asked for a kind wife, someone to keep the house and mend clothes and maybe someday bear him children, and Tolys didn’t fault him for that. He was sure, though, that he wouldn’t understand. No one did. Tolys was lucky to not have the obvious female characteristics that other men seemed so keen on. The ones he did have were slight and easily hidden under loose shirts and thick pants. He only kept his hair longer than the style for men dictated, because he liked it that way.

The snow piled higher.

The banker’s man would be here soon, to take him to his new home.

Originally, the wedding had been planned to be held at Tolys’ house. His family would give him away, they’d have a big party, and then he would go off to live with the banker for the rest of his life. The weather had other plans, unfortunately. The blizzard came and the party was cancelled as Tolys’ family took care of the farm, but the banker still wanted his wife and couldn’t bother with waiting a week longer. His father had gotten a call that morning (from the phone bought by Tolys’ husband-to-be) notifying them that Tolys would be picked up later that day. Already packed, all Tolys had to do was wait.

He did.

Finally, as the sun began to lower in the sky, an incredibly large horse bearing an incredibly large man rode up to the porch. He could be attractive if Tolys didn’t know why he’d come. Tolys watched through the window as the man dismounted and approached the door. Before he could knock, Tolys opened it.

The man, tall and broad with messy ash-blond hair, blushed a little at Tolys’ forwardness. “Ah, hello,” he said. “I’m Ivan Braginsky, sent by Mr. Kirkland. Are you Ruta?”

“No.” Tolys said.

Ivan frowned at him and looked him over, before brightening. “Of course you are! I remember you. We met at your engagement party; you wore that beautiful green dress.”

The dress _had_ been beautiful: dark green silk with a full skirt and embroidered flowers on the trim, another gift from the illustrious Mr. Kirkland. Tolys loathed every moment in it. He gave it to his younger sister with instructions to not wear it until he was out of the house. She was elated.

When Tolys gave no reply, Ivan awkwardly shifted his weight and looked around him into the house. “Are you ready to go?”

“No.” He was packed and ready to leave, but not with Ivan. He made no move to get his things.

“Well, um. You have to? I’m sorry, but. There was an agreement. If you could just –” Ivan gently pushed Tolys to the side to grab his bags. “Do I have to bring you, too?” He asked, attempting to be playful. Tolys thought the attempt failed.

Tolys shook his head and followed Ivan to the horse. It really was a magnificent creature. It was the biggest horse Tolys had ever seen (it had to have been, given its rider), with marble coloring and a cream mane. Ivan lifted Tolys onto the horse, and then hoisted himself up behind him.

Tolys stiffened as Ivan’s arms reached around him for the reins. Ivan urged the horse to a steady pace; not so fast it would stumble, but quick enough to make decent time.

The snow kept falling.

Ivan tried to make light conversation, commenting on how much Tolys would like his new home, how relaxed his life would be now and how he could finally dress like a lady, not a farm boy! Tolys ignored every attempt, and soon Ivan stopped trying.

They rode on. The snow fell.

Soon, the snow became too deep and dangerous for the horse to navigate. Ivan got off the horse to lead it to a barn not far away off the path. Tolys stayed on the horse. With Ivan’s focus elsewhere, Tolys rummaged through the saddlebags until he found something sharp. He pulled it out and hid it in his lap, waiting for the right moment.

They reached the decrepit barn. Clearly out of use for years, the roof leaked and the floor was covered in moldy straw. Still, it was mostly dry and the snow had not reached the far side. From the saddlebags, Ivan drew out a large blanket and some flint. He reached up to help Tolys off the horse. Tolys waited until he was in Ivan’s arms before he drew the knife out and held it to his neck. Ivan froze.

“What are you doing?”

“Give me the horse and your supplies. I’m leaving.”

“You can’t! It’s too dangerous to travel now. And you’re getting married in the morning.”

“I’m not.” Tolys pressed the knife closer. “The bags.”

Ivan sighed and pushed Tolys into the wall of the barn, using his weight to keep him pinned. He squeezed Tolys’ arm until he let go of the knife with a gasp. He didn’t let up. “I’m sorry to hurt you, but I don’t understand. What are you doing? Don’t you want to get married?”

“No!”

“Ruta, please, Mr. Kirkland is not a bad man. You’ll make a good wife.”

“No I _won’t_!” Tolys exclaimed. “I can’t be a wife because I’m not a _girl_! And _stop calling me Ruta_!”

“Okay,” Ivan said, “It’s cold. I’m going to make a fire. We’ll sit under the blanket and you can try to make sense.” He let go of Tolys and took a large step back, kicking the knife away. He picked it up and put it down his boot, to keep it away from Tolys while he gathered wood. Tolys stayed by the wall, wearing the same angry expression he’d had the whole time.

Soon they had a comforting fire. They huddled on the old straw, under the thick blanket, positioned between the horse and the wall. They felt warmer than they’d been since they started the journey.

Ivan opened brought out salted meat and bread. He offered some to Tolys, who wordlessly accepted. They ate in silence for a few moments, before Ivan spoke.

“Why can you not be Mr. Kirkland’s wife?”

Tolys huffed. “I told you. I’m not _a girl_. You don’t understand and neither will he.”

“You’re right!” Ivan said, “I don’t understand. You look like a girl to me?”

“Maybe, but,” Tolys sighed. “I’m _not_.”

“Yes, you keep saying that.”

Tolys stared into the fire. “I feel better when I wear these clothes, and people call me Tolys. When you call me _Ruta_ , it feels…wrong.”

“So, you think you’re a man?”

“I _am_ a man.”

Ivan took a bite of meat and chewed thoughtfully. “If you don’t marry Mr. Kirkland, you can’t go home. What will you do?”

Tolys blinked. He’d been so wrapped up in escape and dread for the future that he’d failed to plan an _after_. “Um.”

“Well, go to sleep. We can figure it out in the morning.”

“We?”

“Well,” Ivan said, “I can’t go back to Mr. Kirkland empty handed. If I can’t bring him you – which I won’t! If you really don’t want to, I won’t force you – then there isn’t much point in going back. He didn’t pay well, anyway.”

Tolys shifted. He didn’t want to spend more time with this relative stranger, but two people traveling in the woods would be better than just one. Besides, he _was_ nice to look at, and strong. That would be helpful. He got as comfortable as he could curled in a large blanket on wet, moldy straw. He thought about it, hard, and finally came up with a response before he drifted off to sleep. “Okay,” he said, “We can try it out.”

X

The first day in the barn had been tense. It was still too snowy to go out, so Ivan gathered up more wood and they stayed under the blanket, cuddled up near the horse. They didn’t talk as they ate the last of the meat.

The day after that, the snow had let up enough for them to venture out. It was slow going, but once they reached a road they could travel easier. Ivan had fallen silent, and Tolys would not speak.

After a few hours on the road without stopping, Tolys had to ask. He needed to know where Ivan was taking him, aside from simply Away. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“My sister lives nearby. It’s not much further, I think.”

“When were you going to tell me that’s where we’re going?”

“You didn’t ask,” Ivan said, “Besides, you didn’t share any ideas on where to go.”

Tolys fell silent again and wouldn’t answer when Ivan prompted him. He’d put on a tough act, but now that was fading as exhaustion set in, both mental and physical. He hadn’t gotten proper sleep in nearly a week due to nerves, then he spent two nights in a freezing barn with a stranger. He couldn’t keep up the strong exterior any longer, and felt his anxiety make itself known once again.

What if Ivan’s sister tried to make him wear a dress? What if Ivan _let her_? Ivan still didn’t understand, and Tolys wasn’t sure if he ever would. Ivan had the reins and could guide the horse wherever he wanted, easily overpowering Tolys again. He might bring him back to Mr. Kirkland, who would just call him a confused girl and try to make him marry him –

Tolys felt sick.

He really felt sick. He lurched forward in the saddle clutching his stomach, trying to stop a wave of bile from coming up.

Ivan saw, and stopped the horse. Startled, he asked, “Are you alright?”

Unable to speak, Tolys simply shook his head. Ivan swung himself off the horse before reaching up to help Tolys off. Tolys tried to get off himself, but only succeeded in swinging one leg over before curling in on himself. Ivan helped him the rest of the way and sat him down on the ground. Tolys stayed curled over his legs while Ivan rubbed his back, at a loss for what else to do. Tolys looked up at him.

“I need your knife,” he said.

“Oh, no, we’re not doing that again.”

“No,” Tolys insisted, “I won’t attack you again. I want – I need to cut my hair. It’s too long.”

“I like it long,” Ivan said.

“I do too, but I look to much like a girl with it long. I don’t want your sister to doubt me.”

Ivan got out his knife. “I’ll cut it for you. It’ll look better if I do it.”

Tolys relented and picked his head up to allow Ivan to chop of hair. It was a messy job, and uneven, but probably better than if Tolys had done it himself. “Please don’t tell your sister I’m – you know. And,” he remembered that he hadn’t introduced himself, with his chosen name, “My name is Tolys.”

Ivan slipped the knife back into his boot. “Okay, Tolys. We should be at my sister’s house soon,  
and then we can think of what to do next.”

Tolys felt a little better, but not much, as they got back on the horse to finish this part of their journey. Maybe in time Ivan would learn and understand that Tolys was not just pretending to be a man, but that he _was_ a man.


End file.
